Amidst the Unfamiliar Things
by Inksaber
Summary: The night before they leave for Krownest, Kanan comes to Hera with an unusual request. Hera just wants to know what's bothering him. Set before Legacy of Mandalore.


**Yeah, I don't know how this happened. I wanted to write _something_ and the next thing I knew I had 1500 words of Kanera bonding. Set between Trials of the Darksaber and Legacy of Mandalore, because filling in the gaps of canon is what I do best.  
**

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"Tell me what they look like now."

It was an uncommon request, these days.

At first, Kanan had asked a lot, as if terrified he was missing something. He wanted to know what colour Sabine's hair was, if she'd done something new to her armour, how tall Ezra was getting. If they changed a bolt on Chopper, he wanted to know. Hera had grown used to it fairly quickly, but as Kanan became more confident in his Force abilities, he asked less and less. It had been a long time since he asked her to describe their family.

And the timing was interesting as well.

He'd come in from one last training session with Sabine before they were to set off for Krownest in the morning. After giving minimal answers to Hera's questions about how it went, he sat down beside her and began to meditate.

It didn't seem to be helping much.

Hera set her datapad down on the console of the Ghost and turned to face him. To an outsider, Kanan might seem perfectly at ease, relaxed into the copilot seat, but Hera knew him well enough to see the tension winding through his frame. The set of his jaw, the stiffness of his spine- Kanan was the opposite of at ease.

"I haven't heard that one in a while," she said carefully. "Is... something up?"

Kanan exhaled. It did little to relax his posture. "No. I just want to know."

Except he hadn't "just wanted to know" since he disappeared into the Atollon wilderness one day and came back with a newfound confidence in himself and his abilities. Hera narrowed her eyes.

"Alright," she began, a little hesitant. "Well- Sabine painted Chopper again for that undercover mission, and he's still got some black specks on him that she hasn't had the chance to remove. I've been trying to fix his cooling systems since they keep breaking down- I think I might have to replace a few bolts."

"His central vents need cleaning," Kanan said. "I can hear it. That should fix him right up. What else?"

"Ezra's getting taller ever day," said Hera ruefully. Kanan almost smiled at that and encouraged, she kept going. "He needs another haircut, but Sabine is the only person he trusts to do that and she's pretty busy lately with all this training."

Kanan's mouth tightened. "Might want to get her to do to that tomorrow before we leave. I don't know when we'll have another chance."

Hera wanted to press him on what was bothering him, but knew she wouldn't get very far. Kanan was extremely stubborn when he wanted to be. "I'll see what I can do," she told him. "What else... the scars on his face are fading. He seemed pretty happy about that when I mentioned it. He's growing up fast, Kanan. Sometimes I can't believe he's the same boy we met on Lothal."

"In any case, he's doing better than I was at his age," Kanan commented. It was a testament to how much Kanan himself had grown that there was no trace of bitterness in his tone. "What about Sabine?"

Hera thought for a moment. Sabine changed in minuscule ways all the time- she could never keep one design, or one hairstyle or colour- for too long. It was something Hera admired about her- that she could keep her individuality and spirit even in a time of war, even after everything she'd been through. Hera's ship was her pride and joy, but Sabine's was her art and creativity.

"Well," she started, "her hair is longer. I think she's dyed it a darker purple as well." She'd always had a hard time keeping track of Sabine's ever-changing hair. Human hair baffled her even when it wasn't being dyed and cut every other day. "Let's see- she added a new design to her vambraces from Rau. I'm not sure what it means, but she accidentally stained her hands yellow while she was at it. She's been experimenting with Alderaanian chalk paint that was a gift from the princess."

"Ah." Kanan nodded. "So that's what that smell was." That smile was back, but the tension was ever present. In fact, he seemed even more on edge now that they were talking about Sabine. Hera frowned to herself.

"You know," she said, "I bet she'd describe her art to you if you asked her to. She always has valued your opinion."

Kanan sighed. "I know. I just- never mind."

Hera glanced at him for a long moment before she stood. Two steps brought her to Kanan's side. He tilted his head up, but didn't look directly at her. He didn't need to and she'd gotten used to that long ago as well. Reaching for his mask, she paused just before she touched it, knowing Kanan was aware of what she was about to do. "May I?"

Kanan had yet to refuse her on this, but she still asked, every time.

Sure enough, he inclined his head. "Be my guest."

Hera pulled the mask up and found herself looking into unseeing eyes that she knew like the back for her hand. They were different now, scarred and hazy, but still as expressive and still as familiar as before. Her hands lingered on his face just for a moment before she drew away.

"This has to go both ways," she said, setting the mask aside. "What's wrong, love? And don't tell me it's nothing."

Kanan was silent a moment. Then... "Time is going so fast these days. It feels like there's a lot that I haven't had a chance to do. And that I might never get a chance to do. You know?"

This wasn't the first conversation they'd had along those lines. Many nights had found them awake in the cockpit, talking about everything the Empire had taken from them. But Hera didn't think Kanan wasn't talking about the Empire this time.

"Does this have anything to do with Sabine and her training?" she asked.

"No," Kanan said quickly. He sighed. "Well. Yes _and_ no. I just have a feeling about this next mission. The Force is telling me something is about to change. Something big."

"Something to do with Sabine?"

"Yeah."

The temperature felt cooler, all of a sudden. "This is her family, Kanan. Her clan. You think they're going to harm her?"

"I don't know. But this feels like a crossroad for her."

"In what way?"

Kanan frowned. He looked tired. "I'm... not sure."

Hera considered his words for a moment, letting them sink in. It didn't take a Force sensitive to know that a trip home would have a big impact on Sabine. But Kanan's Force-led intuition was rarely wrong, something he seemed to be struggling with.

"She'll be alright," she said finally, injecting confidence into her words. She forced down the feeling of icy dread. This wasn't going to be a repeat of Malachor. It _wasn't_. "Sabine can take care of herself, you know. And she'll have you and Ezra as backup."

"Yeah." Kanan closed his eyes. He didn't say anything else.

Hera decided not to offer empty words of comfort. That wasn't what Kanan was looking for. She knew now that he wanted to preserve the moment, to remember them all as they were right now. He would hold her words close as he faced whatever lay in front of them.

"You know," Hera said thoughtfully, returning to the pilot seat, "Sabine loves change. Her hair, her armour, her designs, nothing stays the same for long. But there is one design she still has on her armour. Know which one it is?"

"Hera, I'm really not-"

"Her starbird."

Sabine's personal trademark, something she had derived from the legend of a bird that could never die. Over time, the trademark had evolved into a symbol of the Ghost crew and everything they stood for.

Many things had changed over the years, and things would continue to change. But they were all still themselves. No matter what happened.

Those could be her words of comfort. Kanan would appreciate them more than anything else she could say right now.

Kanan let out a breath and this time, the tension went with it. Not completely, she knew he wouldn't unwind entirely until the mission was over and Sabine was safe, but enough that Hera relaxed as well. "That's... good to know."

Silence fell over the cockpit for a short time, both of them lost in thought, but the atmosphere was noticeably lighter. Sometimes, Kanan just needed to vent. It hadn't entirely solved his problem, but now he wasn't carrying the burden alone, and for now, that was enough.

When Kanan spoke again, it was with that cocky flippant tone that she didn't even realize she had missed. "Is Sabine taller than you now? It feels like she might be getting close."

Blast it, he did know how to push her buttons. "No," she lied, "still shorter. For now, anyway."

Kanan raised an eyebrow. "I _can_ tell when you're lying, you know."

"But you can't prove that I am," Hera replied teasingly.

"That's okay. Chopper will tell me the truth."

"It's cute that you think Chopper likes you more than me."

There were still laughter lines around Kanan's eyes when he smiled. That, somehow, was comforting.

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 **Writing emotional conversations between two very steely people is _hard_. Anyway, I kind of wanted to explore a bit of a vulnerable Kanan in this from the perspective of the person who knows him best. These characters are harder for me to interpret but I tried! **

**Please let me know what you thought. :)**


End file.
